Saw jokes

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

What did the sea do when it saw the beach?

It waved!

Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"

I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.

Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?

Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.

I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.

What do you call a dinosaur with good eyesight?

Do you think he saw us?

Why is a tomato red?

Because it saw the ranch dressing!