New Sarcasm Jokes - Page 4 - Worst Jokes Ever

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

An orphan goes up to someone. The guy says, "Where are your parents?"

The orphan says, "Why do you think I'm wearing ripped pyjamas?"

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"