My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children. If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Some one Telling a joke: Boy: my parents are dead Girl: My grandad is too Orphan who listened to it: that joke is dead Person who told the joke: so is ur family
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
At every funeral it's a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
On Xbox live an orphan can say they f ed your mom so you can say at least mine didnt die from it.
people wonder why are generation grew up so sarcastic
hay how do i look
with your eyes Joe
A guy was annoyed in a store, I walk up to him and said, whats wrong buddy? don't worry it's not like you're on a abandoned Isle!"
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
