Sarcasm jokes
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
People joke about 9/11, but it's not funny. My dad died in 9/11. Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.