Said Jokes

MY mum once told me how do u spell mississippi and i said misisipi but she said no its goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i and i luaghed when she said pp,then she said why are you laughing i tried saying u said pp but i was laughing to hard

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said ‘ a smile’

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school

Going to school is mandatory in this country

Can you guess my plan?

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,

Jack got high and dropped his fly,

and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess" I said 215kg, he didnt find it as funny

Friend: UR LIT BRO!!

Me: Thats what my sleeve said to my arm

A few kids were talking about how big there housed were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. 1 little boy said, bet I have the biggest home. To everyone's supprise he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months? Answer: The box said 3-5 years!

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said see them boy over there In the wheelchair, ask him to walk I said, but I’m blind She responded exactly

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started she said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked my dad he said it all started with Adam and Eve so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

I ran into a dwarf and he said: Well, I’m not happy Then which one are you?