Said jokes

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."

"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.

Joe mama so fat, hello kitty said goodbye.

I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."