Said Jokes

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."

Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"

A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.

The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.

Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"

The kid replied, "I'm not sad."

Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."

What did the shark say when he ate a clownfish? He said it tasted a little funny.

A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

#she is sex*

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."