Said jokes

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"

The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"

Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

He replied, "There's no 'F'."

Me: "There's no family."