Said jokes

Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"

Not Stephen Hawking.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.

One man said, "The audacity on that deaf kid!"

The other man said, "Bro, does he even have audio?"

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Yo momma so dumb, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

The guy called up to the orphanage, then he asked, "Where are the kids' faces?"

Then another guy said, "Sorry, there's no homepage."

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."