Said jokes

"I love all mankind!" said the cannibal.

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?

Because it said "concentration camp."

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!

A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"

Not Stephen Hawking.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.

Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”

Then she said that's true.

My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."