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Said jokes

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

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    • I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

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    • A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

    (Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

    Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

    One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

    The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

    One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

    I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

    A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

    The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

    My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

    One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)

    One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

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    • Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!

    Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"

    #she is sex*

    Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

    Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

    "Just say no to drugs!"

    Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

    I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."