Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
Safety Jokes
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
