Safety jokes
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of toddlers.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃
When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.