Safety jokes
What happened to the dog that crossed the road?
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of kids.
Stop hating on pedos; at least they drive slow in a school zone, smh 🤣
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Why can orphans never be kidnapped?
No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."
Stop hating on pedos. At least they drive slow in school zones.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of toddlers.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
I hate wearing a mask in public.