Run jokes
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.
Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.
I was bullying an orphan, then I said, "What, you gonna run home and cry to your mom?"
My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
"Knock knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Depression"
"Depression wh-"
ME!! *runs away*
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
Why do orphans love baseball?
Because it gives them a home to run to.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
Because they don’t have a daddy to run back to.
"Jack and Jill run up the hill to have sex but in a text a sibling sayed I’m on a hill sleeping with a mex. foursome peace love and biches."