Rope jokes

When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

You should never leave a man hanging.

Unless they are still alive.

What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?

Stopping it with a shovel.

Go commit neck rope.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?

You untie the rope.

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?

Aaron with a rope.

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Fuck off!