I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
"I will Always Love You!"
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
