Roast jokes

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.

You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.

Someday you'll go far.

You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.

What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?

Boomerangs come back.

You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.

Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.

Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.

Me: (quiet)

Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.

Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.

Person 1: Somebody farted.

Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.

Joe Mama is so fat that when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPod.

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.

Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.

"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."