Roast jokes
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Someday you'll go far.
You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.
Joe Mama is so fat that when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPod.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
My bully: Your face is ugly.
Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
My bully: :(
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
Sus
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.