Roast jokes
You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
"It looks like she went into Claire’s Boutique, fell on a sale rack, and said, ‘I’ll take it!’" — Bianca Del Rio, RuPaul’s Drag Race
Someday you'll go far.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
You have a head of a Malteser and a hairline VEGTA.
Did you get your phone from the desert? No wonder why your texts are always so dry.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Person 1: Somebody farted.
Person 2: No, all I can smell is your breath.
Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.
Joe Mama is so fat that when she sat on an iPhone, it turned into an iPod.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
My bully: Your face is ugly.
Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
My bully: :(
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.