Roast jokes
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.
Yo mama is so ugly that even Donald Trump couldn't be inside her dreams.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.
Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.
Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"
Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.
Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Your hairline is so far back, I wrote a summary about it.
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
I punched you so hard that I'll call you "Droppy Pussy."
Bully: Shut up.
Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.
I got a bowl of rice that you're formed like, an ice cube.
It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.
You were born on a highway in a car crash, I wonder why.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."