Roast jokes

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.

That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

2+2+67+23= Now calculate the mass of the Solar system. Be these questions these days.

Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

Your hairline is so far back, a pilot thought it was an airplane.

BREAKING NEWS

All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.

The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.

Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members.

Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!

Yo mama so ugly that when she went to an ugly contest, they said she wasn’t allowed because no professionals were allowed.

Jorden Calerendiá.

I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.