Roast jokes

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

Which hole talks faster? Your mouth or your ass? Can't tell the difference because they both run shit at once.

Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.

Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.

Credits: to my friend.

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

One time you walked up to a mirror, but it’s shattered because of your reflection.

Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?

Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.

You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.

Your hairline is so back down, it is in your neck.

If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

Friend: Do you think she likes me?

Me: Yah.

Friend: Really😀😀😀?

Me: Hell no.

Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

If you looked in the mirror, you would see an ugly person, which is you.