Road jokes

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.

Why did Zozo the hobo cross the road?

To eat the Pringles.

Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to the other side.

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

Why did the two balls cross the road?

To get to the penis!

Sorry, too rude?

Why did the chicken cro-

UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It doesn't matter, he's dead.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

Teacher: Don’t run into the road!

Down syndrome: Weeeeee!

Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.