Right jokes
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
Female Rights?
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.
Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?
Mom: No, that's impossible.
Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?
Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.
Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sally.
Sally who?
You're going to bed right now.
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.