I’m reading a book on antigravity right know It’s impossible to put down
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9 right? NO. Its because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
So my mom has hit me with a flip flop when i was bad and when i cheated on my girl right when the other girl came in a flip flop came flying in the room
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
Fortnite is good (Awesome joke, right?)
"I only eat food on the right of my plate" are you good at eating? "I'm alright at eating"
I need to get new shoes one of these isn’t right
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seman
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
Why couldn’t the guy make bubbles?
-He couldn’t find the right s o l u t i o n.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
Is it all right.. When there is nothing left?
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
How did the Skeleton know.it was gonna right. He read the weather forecast.
A man walks into a sky scraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An on looker watch’s this and is scared but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped cane back up a gain 10 minutes later. The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive and the man said with a drunk slurred voice I “I don’t know every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT! The bartender looks at the first man and says”Your and a-hole when your drunk Superman.”
you know why I have so low IQ? its because the left side of my brain gets nothing right and the right side of my brain has nothing left
I woke up one night to a strange noise and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents room. I looked inside and counted, ok one two three finger men and my mom so nothing out of the ordinary so then I checked my sisters room. And I counted 4 other women in the room but then I realized that he sound was coming from right in front of me it was my dad giving me a bj the whole time.
Gambler
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
