Ride jokes
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What does the cell ride to work?
A vesicle.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.