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Ride jokes

I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked, "What are you doing?" She replied, "Making a Creampie."

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    • What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.

    I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

    I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

    The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

    Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

    That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

    Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

    Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

    But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

    What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

    Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

    Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.

    The brunette brings canteens of water.

    The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.

    The blonde somehow rips off the car door.

    The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"

    To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."

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    • Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?

    She didn't see anything wrong with it.

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    • A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.

    "Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.

    "Heard of what?"

    "Herd of cows."

    "Of course I've heard of cows."

    "No, a cow herd."

    "What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

    A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?

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    • a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

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    • My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.

    So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

    I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

    As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

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