Retail jokes

Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.

Why can’t orphans build anything?

Because they can’t go to Home Depot.

eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have boys' pants half off.

What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?

Forever 21.

An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"

The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."

You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

What's an Indian's favorite store?

Red Dot.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Where do orphans shop for home appliances?

When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?

On Black Friday!!!

What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...