People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail? -- They go to the retail store.
Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? -- To the retail store!
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
