Retail jokes
Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.
What's an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Home Depot.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
I can get my grandma 50% off from her groceries by just scanning my wrist.
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
You can't send an Indian to walk a corner. The only corner they will get to is 7-11.
So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"