Restaurant jokes
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
What did Ronnie have at Taco Bell?
A mind-blowing bean burrito.
Memes
So true
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was assaulted.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Spell "Ihop," and then say, "'Ness, I ate your peanuts!"
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Waiter: Can I have your order?
Me: No, it’s mine!
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.