Restaurant jokes
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
McDonald's worker be like, "Hello, would you like a Mc-Dick?" (You looked down) You: "Uhh, where's my dick?"
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
Where does a Muslim like to go and eat?
Allah's snackbar!
Memes
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
What did Ronnie have at Taco Bell?
A mind-blowing bean burrito.
Do you like Wendy’s?
Yeah, Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth!
What did one plate say to the other plate?
"Dinner's on me."
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her, and the owner made her leave.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
What do you call a living Panera Bread?
Panera Breath.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
Spell "Ihop," and then say, "'Ness, I ate your peanuts!"