Restaurant jokes
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
"Mitchnite burger."
Bob's Family Restaurant:
Orphans:
:(
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.
But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
What do you call a pickle sandwich?
A Big Mac!
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
Taco Bell makes you crappy.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.