Restaurant jokes
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef!
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
Can emos eat a Happy Meal?
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.
What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.
What do you call a shedding Panera Bread?
Panera Shed.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.