Restaurant jokes
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
The deaf man said to the waiter:
"Mmmm."
The waiter said, "No English."
Then the deaf man signed, "F U."
A man goes to a restaurant and asks for some chili.
The waiter said, "Sorry sir, this is an Asian restaurant."
So he stretches his eyes and says, "Oh herro, can I get some chiri?"
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?
White Castle.