Repair jokes

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!

Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- The doorbell repairer.

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?

At PC World.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower.

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

What kind of fruit can fix your sink?

A plum-ber.

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!

How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.