Repair

Repair Jokes

Orphan

Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.

Misunderstanding

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Memes

Marriage

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

Grim Reaper

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Dad

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Wife

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Hit your wife harder.

Car

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

Laptop

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Vacuum

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Woman

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Twin

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

Eskimo

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"