Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house. None, they don't have one
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
my water was leaking, so i used flex tape. now i don't know where to shower. Thanks Phil
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
