Repair jokes
Why do y’all call a pickup truck?
'Cause ya got a flat tire.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"