Repair jokes
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE.
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...