Repair jokes

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.

Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?

I raped a disabled child.

I think she's too far gone to repair now.

Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?

The Apple repair store.

How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.

We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.

My water was leaking, so I used Flex Tape. Now I don't know where to shower. Thanks, Phil!

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?

To get his RHYMES in TUNE.

What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.