Repair

Repair jokes

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."