How do you make a dishwasher work again? Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
What’s the difference between women and cars? At least cars retained some their values after getting wrecked
Why did the rapper go to the auto shop?
To get his RHYMES in TUNE
The twin towers are like crippled legs once they break they can’t be fixed
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Why are most absent dads mechanics
They like to nut and bolt
I work in a garage and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said,"why wont my car go straight
How do I fix a broken light bulb? I don't. I simply blow up the house.
Flex tape can fix a sawed in half boat. Then how the fuck can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? tell me.
Q. What do you use on your tuba when it breaks
A. A tuba-glue
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
How many orphans does it take to repair a house. None, they don't have one
I raped a disable child I think she's too far to repair now
I was writing my final exams, and i saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world, to my knowledge i chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG, i was shocked beyond repair, shame on you psg, im now a college dropout
Bob the builder took one look at you and said “nah I can’t fix that”
As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car. So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."
A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite. And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to the they get orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine." The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked "Now what?"
