Repair

Repair Jokes

Ladder

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Woman

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Twin

The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.

Vacuum

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

Notice

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

Dishwasher

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Laptop

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

Dad

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

Cut

Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.

Car

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

Titanic

Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!

Misunderstanding

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Grim Reaper

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"