Religion

Religion jokes

Bee

    • God creating bees.

    God: "Put a needle on their butt."

    Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"

    God: "Make its puke delicious."

    Angel: "WTF"

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    Priest

    • Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?

    So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.

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    Orphan

    • Why did the orphan go to church?

    It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."

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    • Religion memes

    Church

    • A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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    Priest

    • A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

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    • Minister

    • What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?

    They both thank you for your financial support.

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    Gay Man

    • What do you call a born-again heteroflexible male that is a Christian nationalist who thinks he is bisexual when the LGBT community knows that he is bicurious and that he is on steroids and that the LGBT community knows that he is not telling the truth about that? He is a gay man that is in the closet. He should be forced out of the closet by gay men in the LGBT community by any means necessary if gay men in the LGBT community still want to defend the wall of separation of church and state by any means necessary.

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    • Priest

    • A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"

    "Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"

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    Nun

    • What's black, white, and red all over?

    A nun that fell down the stairs.

    What's black, white, and laughing?

    The nun that pushed her.

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    • Habit

    • A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."

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    Miracle

    • Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

    She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

    "Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

    Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

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    • Friend

    • Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."

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