Religion jokes
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.
Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
I think that church is super burning 🥵.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.