Religion jokes
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld!
Even your mother can never fix your hairline, just God.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
What’s the difference between a Black man and a Jew?
One was born burnt.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.
Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"