Religion Jokes

How does Moses make his tea? He Brews!!!

Jesus and Moses come back to earth. Moses says, let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before. So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before. Jesus quips, close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last. So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him, Moses says, hey it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before.

A man runs into a church and shouts are there any dawarf nuns in the monsistary,the pope said no causing the man to say to his friend I told you you fucked a penguin

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin the bartender said to her I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink and she said not usually but I am doing the bishop a favour the bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening and she said no I am with the bishop tonight.

Jesus has a twisted humor kittens cute cuddly and loveable oh yeah i almost forgot add razors that stick out there feet

What’s the difference between jesus and a plank of wood?

A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming

What the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ? One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldnt work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and saviour Jesus Christ. (Ben Shapiro 2020)

So I went to a church and I ask a friend is the picture on the wail is Jesus and dose it have three nails or one nails Oh Wait that not Jesus he is not doing the T pose that he invited

do you want to give your life to God and be in heaven

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying Allah hu akbar and exploding a bus

whoever invented religions. they fucked up. We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

Why did spencer eat cheese. Because he was Jewish

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in heaven

I have a nun joke! It is nun uh ya business!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Hi guys, I have a brain teaser for you! Leave it in the comment section if you figure it out. Here you go! If you kill yourself (suicide which is technically murder) will you go to Heaven or Hell? Because you murdered yourself, but what if you were a Christian? That was my brain teaser for you guys! make sure you leave what you came up with for the answer in the comment section below!! PEACE OUT!!!! :)

A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says “Where’s Mohammed?

what job do you want if you dont want peoples two since

a catholic priest

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”