Religion jokes

What do you call a burning church?

Holy smokes.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

God: “Steven, join us.”

*sees the staircase to heaven*

Steven: “Shit.”

What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest's basement.

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?

It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.

You'd think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

Bull In Book Lacking Evidence

Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?

because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.

I love Muslims, they are great at parties!

They have the best fireworks.

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

A priest walks into a wine store.

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."