Religion jokes
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
God: “Steven, join us.”
*sees the staircase to heaven*
Steven: “Shit.”
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.