Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Why don't Amish people water ski?
Because their horses would drown.
