Religion jokes
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.
Just to ask the other guy.
Talk about a male supremacist religion.
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
If Jesus had a gun, what would it be? A nail gun.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?
Orphan: *Sobs* "No."
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Do you know how many women have been pope?
Nun.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."