Religion jokes
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1
My dad died in 9/11. He was a Muslim pilot.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?