Religion jokes
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Priests are priests.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes, it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies, after considering the position he was in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats. “That’s awful expensive,” but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off. “Yes, it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Don’t you start that crap in here,” the priest says.
Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both love naughty souls.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.