You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
Religion Jokes
Kenneth's hairline [is] friends with Moses.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
You wanna hear a good joke, kiddos?
Gods being real. (Newsflash, all gods are manmade. THEY'RE ALL FICTION!)
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
Miss Kadie, I heard that the Westboro Baptist Church is having a party for kicking out 99999 gay people.
Pastor: Welcome to the gay matters church.
Miss Kadie: Stop that, you know that God hates gay people.
Me: Stop that, vegan teacher.
Pastor: You deserve to die.
- I attack
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, you idiot. He got nailed before he died!
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Priests are priests.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
