Religion jokes

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

At the Allahu-ak Bar.

HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.

Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So he could call someone Father.

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.

What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"

What do you call a priest that likes juice?

A Capriest Sun.

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"