Religion jokes
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "father."
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.