Religion jokes
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.