New Religion Jokes - Page 24 - Worst Jokes Ever

Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.