How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders? He hit them all when he started shooting his shot
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day 😮💨
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."
I look at my gf’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can
Like it’s my next meal
How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?
"Wanna hang together?"
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
my girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. fair enough. i gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
my husband left a note on the fridge that said, “this isn’t working.” im not sure what hes talking about. i opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? anyone know what he means?
my husband is mad that i have no sense of direction. so i packed up my stuff and right.
random Couple after their first night : Husband: it was very tasty.🥵 wife: aww thanks. Hus: does anyone had taste it before? wife:☠️
The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you💔. Better Break up now ooo.🤣
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant