Relationship jokes
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Bros over hos.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."