Relationship jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Women should be seen and not heard.
But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.
I called her the Fallen Angel.