New Relationship Jokes - Page 10

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? she didn't want to give him kids

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics 😮‍💨

My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.

There was a orphan once and someone knocks on his door and said "hello son come and hug me" but the orphan says "excuse me who are you?" and the guy says "you dont remember me im your dad" and then the orphan says "fine then if your really my dad, come inside and let me asked you some questions" and the man says "ok then but i am really your dad" then the orphan asked some questions to the man and the man gets some of them right so the orphan believes that the man is his dad and then the orphan says "you really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house and the orphan has a room mate and the dad and the orpahn finally get to then bedroom and then the dad knocks out the orphan and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan / son and the room mate hears weird noises in the orphans / sons room and he walks in and see them having seggs and the room mate records it but then kicks out the dad out f the house and then the room mate shares the video to the orphans school chat and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce and everybody at the orphans school call him gay but he really isnt but since he was mad and disgusted he pulled a AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

Btw this is a joke so dont take it seriously.

Treat me like a joke and I will leave you like it's funny

girl ... you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror it shattered : more than your relationship.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was ur mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

are you George Floyd?

cause baby you take my breath away... OOF

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

A guy and his girl just finished making love. Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks "Have you thought about any baby names?". The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says "Well propably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this"