Relationship jokes

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

So I was living with a girl for a few weeks, and it was nice until she found out that I was there.

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

The best and worst part about being bi:

Best: Double the love, double the fun.

Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.