Relationship jokes

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?

Because you cannot break the ice.

Bros over hos.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.

Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

How do skyscrapers make friends?

They reach out.

Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.