Relationship jokes
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.