Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Your mom's been giving me attitude lately, so I told her to shut her mouth. When she did, it caused me to lose 4 inches.
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
What is the worst part about siblings having sex?
Being left out.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
