Relationship jokes
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
So, I was f**king my daughter the other night, and I don’t know what was funnier: the looks on my wife’s face when she walked in on me or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
Gwen pegs Xzavier.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
Cuddle with you.🙂
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Your mom gay.