Relationship jokes
Why did the guy run because the girl ripped his penis off?
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
my gf engadgement ring i bought
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
What is a "dad?"
A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."
Why did my wife leave me? I wish I knew.
Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!