Relationship jokes
My sister said that I am a baby, so I said, "Waa, waa."
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
Hi, son.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.
All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.
Mom!
If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?
My father taught me a lesson of sex in a hypothetical way.
My stepmother gave me a lesson [on] how [it] is going inside?