Relationship jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wipe his ass.