New Relationship Jokes - Page 173

A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!

(Standing means: penis erection)

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

Friend: What kind?

Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

Friend: That's not funny..

Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

Friend: I'm calling your mom.

Me: She knows.

Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

Me: She's supposed to help?

Friend: Have you told your dad?

Me: I will when he comes back.

Friend: Where is he?

Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

Friend: ....

Me: What?

Friend: Why?

Me: Why what?

Friend: Why would you joke like that?

Me: I was joking..

Friend: I know.

Me: Oh. I didn't know.

Friend:...

Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

Why don't gay Greek men have anal sex with each other in Greece?

Because anal sex between gay men is against the law in Greece.

"I will Always Love You!"

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

What does an astronaut call his ex from space?

SpaceX.

Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

Let’s stick together!

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.