Relationship jokes

Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, Had some fun. She forgot her pill, And now we have Jonny!

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't know who to call daddy.

Friend: You're adopted.

Orphan: At least I was chosen!

Friend: At least I was kept.

You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

"Yol, what do you think about sex?"

"Good."

Life is like a penis, women make it hard.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

My friend Harry.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.