New Relationship Jokes - Page 11

I don't think my gf likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

my wife said i had no sense of direction.... so i packed my sh*t and right

my ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. so she said i was usless in bed. should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

DEPRESSO EXSPESSO LETS BE FRIENDS PLZ

Jack and Jill Went up the hill to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill. And now there's little Franky.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class, we had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix. We both raised our hands and she called on both of us. Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff. Leah: and also are you from Harry Potter?

I finally got a girlfriend. Her name is Remington Model 32

What dose buzz lightyear and a oprhsms parents have in common.

They go to infinty and beyond

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

Before you leave that marriage, remember that one inn0cent 🐐 g0at was k!lled for your traditional marriage😔☹️☹️☹️

I went home to my girlfriend, with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

Women treat me like a god They ignore me till they need something

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?" "I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

when you know you have a gay friend but you find out that they like you-

My wife is pregnant but when we get to doctors something happened..........

What happened?

A:the husband is pregnant too with someone else’s baby not the wife’s baby but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and airforces but as soon as I spend a $100 on hookers she leaves me